Fic, Five Times Draco Malfoy Was Told He Looked Like Hell, PG
Juuuust a fun little aside. A response to this, which purple_chalk can yell at me for linking to if she feels like it.
Two
At that club, in the place, in the town, in England. Draco couldn't be more specific because he didn't really remember much about it; just the bloke who'd spoken. He'd been tallish and large-ish, but mostly he'd looked a lot like Crabbe, which had been nice. Comforting.
Four
Twenty minutes before his wedding. His bow-tie wouldn't tie and why were they called bow-ties if they WOULDN'T and oh, god, he'd conned this woman into marrying him under false pretenses because if she actually bothered to look closer she'd see it, how much better she could do, there were men out there who could tie their ties and get married without wanting to actually, you know, vomit all over the chapel and--
--Astoria opened the door, in her wedding dress, and said it. He looked at her, opened his mouth to say things about beauty or bad luck or, maybe, to commence with the vomiting, but she waved a hand and tied his bow-tie and called him stupid--for worrying or for putting his cufflinks on wrong, Draco wasn't sure. Then she pressed a kiss into the corner of his mouth and said "Buck up, 'High Society' is your middle name, and it's not like I'm going to jilt you, you idiot."
"But--" Draco started.
"In twenty minutes I'll be Mrs. Malfoy," she said. "Now shut up and brush your hair."
Five
Three weeks after Scorpius was born. Astoria fixed him with a mighty glare and said "Get out, get out and take him with you or I will kill you both, all I ask is a few hours of sleep and maybe a pastry, Draco, oh my god," and so he left, taking the baby with him.
......................--Scorpius pulled away from the bottle, and spat milk that had come out of Draco's wife all over Draco's face.
Scorpius had a hell of a spit take, for an infant. He started howling, screaming at the top of his lungs--it was deafening and awful, and Draco looked down at him through milk-soaked hair and thought Oh. Maybe, for me, this isn't really the kind of love that goes away.
"I think," he said to the baby, gravely, "that I shall call you Spawn, for certainly no normal child could have come to such evil so young."
Scorpius looked back at him, briefly mocked his grave expression, and then vomited on his shirt. It was a nice shirt. He was, in fact, quite fond of it. As such, he was surprised to find himself laughing--real, honest laughter--as he wiped the spit-up from his son's face.
A woman sat down on the bench next to him. "You look like hell," she said, cheerily.
Draco grinned back at her. "Yeah," he said, laughter still heavy on his breath, "I bet I do."
Title: Five Times Scorpius Malfoy Seriously Underestimated His Parents (And One Time Albus Potter Did it For Him)
Rating: PG-13
1.
The "unbreakable" locking charm on his door.
2.
The "absolutely hidden" stash of pot in his closet.
3.
The "utterly camouflaged" porn under his bed.
4.
The "completely covered" tattoo on his shoulderblade.
5.
The "we'll keep this between us" detention Professor Longbottom gave him for what he was secretly growing in back of Greenhouse Four.
(6.
"They won't know," Albus hissed, pulling in another hit, "they're in Tahiti. I can't believe you're making us whisper."
"They always know," Scorpius hissed back, "which you would know if you ever paid any attention at all to how often I get caught. ...................... In spite of himself, he was cheered to know Albus would go down with him. In a rather more normal voice, he said "Did you bring condoms, then? We're high now, so we might as well go ahead while we can, they'll show up in a second."
"What--" said Albus Potter, just as Draco Malfoy, Astoria Malfoy, and his own father burst through the door.)
19.) I always, always, always meant for him to have Harry if anything happened to us. Lily did too. Sirius is a stupid shit sometimes but he would have been great; I wish everyday that things had happened differently, for my son’s sake as much as his own.
20.) Sirius Black—no matter what anyone’s said about him, no matter how many times he hung me from the rafters by my underwear first year, no matter how stupid he always has been and always will be—Sirius Black is the best friend any man has ever had, and make no mistake.